


[ASMR] McCree Murders Sans

by birbbyboy



Category: Overwatch (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Vaping, i want sans to raw me, the gang goes to jail, undertale vaping headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 19:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7587517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birbbyboy/pseuds/birbbyboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>cree gets the justice he has been thirsting for</p>
            </blockquote>





	[ASMR] McCree Murders Sans

The harshness of the midday sun shone down on the Kmart parking lot asphalt. McCree stood over his tied up opponent, lightly resting his hand on his holster. It had taken months of tireless searching, but McCree finally had his target, Sans the Skeleton, in the flesh (or lack of). The calcium-infused shitstain hadn’t changed at all since McCree had last seen him, with the exception of being a bit bigger-boned. It could’ve just been all the vape pens in his hoodie, though. McCree turned his head to glance at Hana and Hanzo, who were spectating near the store’s entrance.

“Make sure you’re recordin’ this, Hana,” McCree said with a slight grin. “I wanna video to remember this moment with.” 

Hana pressed the record button on her streaming camera, and made sure that the microphone that Hanzo carried was also working properly. With everything all set, she gave McCree the thumbs up.

“TIME TO DIE, YOU BONEY FUCK!” McCree screamed, kicking Sans approximately where his stomach would be located. Sans tensed up and grunted in response.

“I didn’t realize you would’ve held this much of a grudge after all these years, Jesse.” Sans mustered out, clearly amused. He struggled against the ropes restraining him in a fruitless attempt to shield himself from another blow. It never came. Sans looked up at McCree and was met with an intense stare. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was being beaten up by the older man, Sans probably would’ve been turned the fuck on by now.

“I loved you, Sans,” McCree growled before leaning over and gripping his ex-lover by his ketchup stained shirt. “I treated you the best I possibly could’ve, and you stabbed me in the back… literally! You left me lackin’ a kidney and an arm in a motel bathtub full of ice, Sans, and ever since then I’ve been nothin’ but hell-bent on findin’ you.”

Sans merely looked at McCree and shrugged, his permanent smile glued to his idiotic face. During McCree’s miniature monologue, he had freed himself of the ropes, and had pulled out a vape pen that hadn’t been washed in probably two years.

“A kidney and an arm goes for a lot on the market, Jesse.” Sans said before taking a drag of his Mountain Dew® flavored vape. “Meat has been getting more expensive as of late, and man’s gotta have his ‘dogs.”

McCree looked over at Hanzo and Hana, who were intently recording the whole ordeal, before looking back at Sans, who was slowly becoming engulfed in vape smoke. “Shut the hell up with all this “‘dog” business! It’s a hot dog, you science prop.”

“The Jesse I knew would’ve found ‘dogs humeru-” Sans was cut off by a metal fist to the mouth and a pistol pressed to his forehead. McCree looked at him with only death in his eyes. Once again, Sans probably would’ve been aroused if it hadn’t been for the situation.

“Megalo-go-fuck-yourself, Sans.” McCree said, his trigger finger at ready. “The Jesse you knew wasn’t missin’ a kidney and an arm.” The hurt McCree currently felt was unbearable. Before him stood his former boyfriend, who had never cared about him. Just his left arm and kidney. These feelings needed closure, and the only possible closure involved murder.

“Wait,” a voice called out. “Don’t shoot the skeleton!”

Everyone turned and gasped in surprise. It was the Pope!

“Sans, you are my favorite character from Undertale.” the Pope began. “My life has been changed for the better because of this wonderful, wonderful game. So please, do not allow this cowboy to shoot you.”

Sans ignored the pope. “Pull the trigger, McCree.” Sans said. His wish was granted. Hyper realistic blood gushed out from the bullet hole made in his forehead as he slumped to the ground, dead as a doornail. The Pope disappeared in a puff of white smoke, heartbroken that his fave was dead.

McCree let out a huge victory screech as Hana and Hanzo came running over.

“We should probably clean this up,” Hanzo said. “I don’t want to be chased down by the police again because of you.”

“This is some real creepypasta shit right here,” Hana said, snapping photos of Sans’s lifeless body. “My fans are gonna love it!” 

Hanzo and McCree then proceeded to make out several feet away from the skeleton’s bloodied corpse while Hana played phone apps until the police came by and arrested all three of them.

**Author's Note:**

> i had a dream last night that i hung out with d.va and we played dodgeball
> 
>  
> 
> it was nice


End file.
